Saturday, January 22, 2011

Could Not Find my Button

It is said that kids know how to push their parents' buttons.

My kids have my 'easy button' on speed dial. 

 They pester, yell, nag, and scream at me, until I lose control and scream back - acting younger than them.

Well, guess what - this is not a very productive cycle.  No one wins.

We all end up grumpy, stressed, and frustrated.

Yet, we return to what we know.  Until the known is SO uncomfortable, we take baby steps into the unknown.

Having a 3rd stranger child has made this pattern SO VERY uncomfortable.

I have put my little toe in fresh water. I am trying hard to change my reaction to the  monsters' kids' button pushing.

No surprise, I have plenty of opportunities to practice my new response.

 Recently, they yelled, screamed, and cried - yet, I was able to mindfully select my response. 

 In this instance, my choice response was to calmly put the child back on time-out until the child chose to comply.  It took 25 minutes.

25 minutes of the child getting up and me putting the child back.

There was screaming, spitting, crying, and grabbing.  This time, none of it came from me.

I remained the grown-up.  I felt peaceful amidst great chaos.  I felt love for the flailing child.I felt success.

The one thing I no longer felt was chaos, and that was sweet.

My easy button is chaos.

Chaos scares me.  In my fear, I create even more chaos in a false attempt to gain control.

They create chaos, I unleash the fury - so the cycle goes.