It is time to say goodbye. Goodbye to many of Alexa's beliefs and fears.
In an effort to be empathetic, we have been saying 'we understand this is scary', 'we know this is hard', 'we understand your sads', etc. On some level, these statements only reinforce her depression.
After 6 months home, it now time to say - NO, we are not scary, we ROCK!! The truth is that, yes she has trauma to grieve AND she has a great family now.
Our therapist is now encouraging us to say: get over your grumpies, get over your fears, it is okay to have fun, live life and be happy because we will always be here for you. (of course we won't actually say, get over it, but we are to push hard for focus on all that is safe and loving).
If nothing else, this new attitude is good for my emotional state, as validating all her negative feelings was REALLY bringing me down.
We can be sympathetic to her grief, and encouraging of her joy.
We can remind her that it is okay to love. It is okay to have fun. It is safe to be a part of this family because this family is forever.
I sure hope these new approach helps. We need a change. We believe she needs a change.
To symbolize that we are done with the old, and now celebrating the new wonderful life she has, we had a necklace ceremony.
We said goodbye to the China necklace
We said hello to the new heart necklace - a symbol of how much we love her.
We love her so much that we are not going to let her wallow in her yuckies any longer!