Sunday, June 2, 2013

Truth

I love the idea of writing more. I want to create a place where people come to find the truth, well, my truth.  I would like others to resonate with my truth.  I would like to find more community in writing about my journey.  I would like to think others' lives are similar.

It would take courage, time and wisdom to tell the truth here.  It would take being vulnerable in public. It would take telling My Story in public.  I am not sure I have the courage.

I want to write about how hard marriage can be, and that parenting can be even harder.  I want to share what I have learned as we parent a child with special emotional challenges.

I want to write about how I grow in understanding my past.  I want to share the joy that is available when we step outside our comfort zone.  I want to encourage others and myself to change those things in our lives that really do not work for us.

Today, I learned that it is too easy to lapse into fear.  It is too easy to focus on what we lack in love, and it is familiar to feel empty inside.

I also learned that as easily as I may lapse into fear - I can step out of it.  I can see that there is enough love in my life.  I consciously said to myself, "I choose to be joyful", right when I wanted to lapse into self-pitying victimhood.  I chose joy.  It worked.  I chose joy.

I changed my focus from those things about my children, my life and my husband that I wish were different, and I simply chose to be content. I chose to be my own leader.  I chose to leave the anxious thoughts of pain, and let love lead me.  Yes, my life is full of sacrifice and seeming emotional emptiness, but it is equally full.  Today, I saw the fullness.