Monday, June 1, 2015

Marriage Monday: Blame

I have spent too many hours blaming my husband for my own personal unhappiness.

Believing, "if he loved me, he would behave differently."  This is a lie we tell ourselves.

Blame makes us a victim of someone else's behavior.  Blame creates false beliefs.

Blame is an outlet for our own discomfort and fear.  Blame robs us of emotional maturity.

Our happiness, security and healing is NOT at all dependent on anyone else changing.

Our contentedness is 100% dependent on our ability to heal our wounds, and to push through our fear.  It is about OUR ability to do hard things.

As Brene Brown says, it takes tenacity and grit to hold ourselves (and others) accountable, and to make ourselves vulnerable.

Yet, this is the only place of true intimacy and love.

I am so thankful that my tendencies to blame are decreasing (not gone).  I now try to find my power instead of giving it away.  As in all things, it is a process and blame re-appears in my life and thoughts.  

However, now, I know that Blame is a red flag for me to find and feel my past hurts, and to stop making my dis-ease about others' behaviors.  I have the choice to feel loved, joyful and strong even when I do not like the behavior of others.

Yes, this is very hard and very worth it.  

Below is a wonderful quick video from Brene Brown on blame.