Trauma changes the brain. Big trauma has a huge impact on the brain. Little trauma(s) has a minor impact on the brain.
A child left on the side of the road at age 3, with no time for emotional processing, causes a huge impact on the brain. Consequently, this event has a HUGE impact on the life of the child (and those living with the child).
This child, our daughter, is always on guard for the next potential disaster. Her experience taught her, it WILL happen. Her brain is now wired to guard against the inevitable threat of being abandoned, again. Her behaviors are defensive and offensive - she is too busy guarding against the threat of pain to open her heart to love.
The little traumas throughout our lives ... unmet needs, disappointments, unprocessed grief, and the regular ups and down of life cause our brain to wire against future pain.
All unprocessed pain keep us from fully loving the self and loving others.
Fortunately, we can process our pain at any time, and unlock more skilled pathways of the brain.
Healing is always a choice. Healing is the hard choice, and it is always worth it.