My Ways to Out Crazy the Crazies
- When the child does not look you in the eyes when talking to you....
- Do the same thing back, exaggerated. Look at the child's belly, out in space, or look where the child was looking, etc. - look any where but the child's eyes.
- When the child asks 'why' all the time, in an attempt to control (not a curious why)
- Respond with 'Did someone offer me pie', 'What is in the sky' .... I use any word that rhymes with 'why'.
- When the child says 'that is not what I said (or something similar), I just say oops.
- Use the magic Oppositional Defiant words.... can't, won't, don't
- My kid loves to prove me wrong. To get what I want, I will say 'I bet you can't sleep through the night', 'I bet you can't keep up with me as we walk.'
- Surprise, surprise ... they do what we want
- When the child does not ask for what he needs
- My kids love to state facts, like I am hungry, I am thirsty.
- I respond with 'Hi, Hungry, so very nice to meet you.' They quickly get the point, that they need to use their asking words.
- When the child uses the 'I don't remember' line - in response to something they clearly do know...
- I make sure the next time they ask me something, I give it right back with an answer of 'I don't remember.'
- To have a little fun, with a child who likes to control things by not talking, I talk to my imaginary friend, Sally.
- Sally and I will do chores, tell jokes, even share a snack, read books, etc.
- I reinforce with Sally how much I like to be with her, how fun she is - modeling a healthy relationship.
- When I child keep asking the same questions, or just talking to much, I pretend my voice no longer works.
- I will start to talk in a raspy voice, and say I think my voice needs a break, and stop talking for a period of time.
- To reinforce, patience and that Mom is boss at meal time, I will call them to the table one at a time.
- I will specifically ask Big A to come eat breakfast and if anyone else comes too, that person has to wait to come to the table.
- I like to space there arrival at the table about a minute apart ... just to reinforce patience.
My Ways to Keep on Loving When I Get Nothing Back
- To reach out with love, when I really don't feel like it, I will do drive-bys.
- A drive-by can be words or actions like: a quick kiss, a hug, a 'I love you,' a tickle, etc.
- The important part is to have no expectations of a response - give the 'lovie' and move on - physically and emotionally.
- I read I need to reach out with love to my unattached child at least 12 times a day
- I make a conscious effort to do at least 12 drive-bys/intentional loving activities and keep a tally on the wall
- Another way to give love, is tell each child 'secrets' throughout the day
- Sometimes I tell them each a secret, and at other moments I will just tell one child a secret.
- My secrets are always corny things like: you are awesome, you make me smile, you are a joy, your eyes are beautiful, you are so smart, etc.